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i ('m on the verge of caring fairly deeply for) you
i regret cutting my hair. i regret thinking i could be falling in love. i regret walking past schools in hopes of a chance encounter with certain people. i regret having bad feelings about this. i hate when i have a bad feeling and it turns out to have a reason. accidentally confirming the suspicions. we've been having good days. i worry they will be followed closely by not very good days. i wonder whether there will be a confession. this i doubt. i thought i was being so good, i felt so good. please don't pull anything out from under me, rug or otherwise. i feel like a used rag. rag-doll, perhaps. you might be correct, i don't know how pretty i am. i know how ugly i feel. how ugly i worry you must think i am. my empty stomach is full of doubt. i am a sad eyed lady of the lowlands. when i can look into your eyes i will know where to stand and what to do. i care about you and i've even whispered to god for you. even when i doubt him in the general sense sometimes maybe someone hears me. please keep being someone who hears me. don't be afraid to touch me. i'm not even mad, i'm not even disappointed. i'm concerned. and every minute i keep thinking "i love you", but i'm chalking that all up to the lack of better terms.
1:33 am - March 16, 2010
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